Categories
Advocacy/Awareness

Independence Day

Every bicycle related, or outside related magazine or advertisement assures me I can improve on my personal best performance by closely following the training advice offered therein. Alright, I think, I want to do my best. Even if doing better than myself feels like a lot of pressure I decide I will have a go.

I’ve decided to train for the Java Man Triple Brew Pub Extreme Moderation Tour. My success in defeating my self will be judged loosely by these criteria:
– Moderation and balance.
– Being non-judgmental and humble.
– Living in the moment.
– Wattage, heart rate, miles and time don’t matter.
– Speed doesn’t matter either.
– People in automobiles waving at me in a friendly manner matters.
– Other people on bicycles and pedestrians acknowledging me in a friendly manner matters too.

Athletes generally attribute a large percentage of a successful performance to mental attitude. Actually, this could be one of my biggest challenges in this event. Smiling while riding(in moderation of course) moves me toward my goal, and saying hello to the faster rider who is overtaking me, whether they say hello or not, moves me toward my goal. Refraining from the urge to take that rider’s wheel to show that I can go faster too takes constant practice. Or is this just the recovering racer rationalizing the fact that he is now old and weak?

I give myself permission to go slow sometimes, but it feels good once in a while to breathe hard and feel the lungs working to bring air to the blood, and to feel the blood pumping and carrying that oxygen and some fuel to be consumed by my muscles in the magical process of making the pedals go around . And it’s neat to see my body get more efficient at doing those things, so that every ride seems a little easier. So I give myself permission to go fast sometimes too.

A baggedy shirt or a plain wool jersey keeps me cool and allows air to flow through the interstices of the brain, not constricting my thoughts and actions with the pretense of needing to be something I’m not. By the way, that person driving the car? They seem to be a little more agreeable to sharing the road when they see me dressed that way on a bike with fenders and lights and racks.
As Leo Woodland says “People talk to you if you’re on a bike and you give them time. You’re not threatening. You arrived by humble means and you have humble needs, like food and drink and a moment’s rest

I am training myself to stop and, really, to look for reasons to stop.
I am training myself to ride a bicycle in a way that makes it look easy. No hammering, thank you.

Actually, now that I’ve created this event I realize that every time I go out on the bike I am a participant in it.
The current ride is all there is.
There was no ride before this and there will be no ride after it.

Categories
Crossroads

A Beginners Guide To Bike Touring

The Bike Hermit didn’t write this but he thinks it’s funny. Actually, this was posted on the Touring pages of bikeforums dot net

Easy to get lost for hours on those pages. Don’t forget to come back!

A Beginners Guide to Cycle Touring: How to prepare

Step 1: Get a spagetti-strainer and several small sponges. Soak the sponges in salt-water and paste them to the inside of the spagetti-strainer. Place the
strainer on your head. Find a busy road. Stand by the side of the road and do
deep knee-bends for 8 hours. This will acclimatize you to a day’s ride.

Step 2: Take some 200-grit sandpaper and rub your rear-end and the insides of your legs for about 20 minutes. Rinse with salt-water. Repeat. Then, sit on a softball for 8 hours. Do this daily for at least 8 days.

Step 3: Each day, take two twenty-dollar bills and tear them into small pieces. Place the pieces on a dinner-plate, douse them with lighter fluid and burn them. Inhale the smoke (simulating car-fumes). Rub the ashes on your face. Then go to the local motel and ask them for a room.

Step 4: Take a 1-quart plastic bottle. Fill it from the utility sink of a local
gas-station (where the mechanics wash their hands). Let the bottle sit in the
sun for 2 or 3 hours until it’s good and tepid. Seal the bottle up (kinda,
sorta) and drag it through a ditch or swamp. Walk to a busy road. Place your
spagetti-strainer on your head and drink the swill-water from the bottle while
doing deep knee-bends along the side of the road.

Step 5: Get some of those Dutch wooden-shoes. Coat the bottoms with 90-W
gear-oil. Go to the local supermarket (preferably one with tile floors). Put
the oil-coated, wooden shoes on your feet and go shopping.

Step 6: Think of a song from the 1980’s that you really hated. Buy the CD and play 20 seconds of that song over and over and over for about 6 hours. Do more deep knee-bends

Step 7:
Hill training: Do your deep knee-bends for about 4 hours with the
salt-soaked spagetti-strainer on your head, while you drink the warm
swill-water and listen to the 80’s song over and over (I would recommend “I’m a cowboy/On a STEEL horse I ride!” by Bon Jovi). At the end of 4 hours, climb onto the hood of a friend’s car and have him drive like a lunatic down the twistiest road in the area while you hang on for dear life.

Step 8:
Humiliation training: Wash your car and wipe it down with a
chamois-cloth. Make sure you get a healthy amount of residual soap and
road-grit embedded in the chamois. Put the chamois on your body like a
loin-cloth, then wrap your thighs and middle-section with cellophane. Make sure it’s really snug. Paint yourself from the waist down with black latex paint.  Cut an onion in half and rub it into your arm-pits. Put on a brightly colored shirt and your Dutch oil-coated wooden shoes and go shopping at a crowded local mall.

Step 9:
Foul weather training: Take everything that’s important to you, pack it in a Nylon corodura bag and place it in the shower. Get in the shower with it. Run the water from hot to cold. Get out and without drying off, go to the local convienience store. Leave the wet, important stuff on the sidewalk. Go inside and buy $10 worth of Gatorade and Fig Newtons.

Step 10:
As Archimedes hypothesized: “Use a simple lever to move the Earth from one place to another”. After doing that, go around your house and lift heavy things that you never imagined a person could lift. Surprise yourself. Do 1,000 sit-ups. Then 10,000. Eat lunch. Repeat. Argue with every girlfriend/boyfriend you’ve ever known and be RIGHT. Solve all the problems of politics, faith and economics. At the end of the day, get into a huge tub filled with hot soapy water and relax, because tomorrow is another BIG DAY ON THE BIKE!

Step 11: Headwinds training: Buy a huge map of the entire country. Spread it in front  of you. Have a friend hold a hair-dryer in your face. Stick your feet in
taffy and try to pull your knees to your chest while your friend tries to
shove you into a ditch or into traffic with his free hand. Every 20 minutes
or so, look at the huge map and marvel at the fact that you have gone nowhere  after so much hard work and suffering. Fold the map in front of a window-fan set to “High”.

Useful tips for anyone planning a bicycle tour, trip, journey, expedition, whatever
you label it. Hope you have enjoyed this page.